Dont Waste the Heart (Part 1)

I had done it again! 

I watched the tears stream down her face as she was trying to process all I shared with her. What did I say or do that caused her to be so hurt? Had I been too harsh with my correction or sharp with my exhortation? 

Of course not, I thought to myself, I was just protecting the very people she was endeavoring to help. I was guarding the core principles of urban ministry and defending the poor. After all it is my responsibility to influence and train the people God has entrusted to me; to protect the dignity of those we minister to; and that means speaking the hard truth that cuts at our pride and superiority. 

I felt justified in my response to her because after all I had seen firsthand the harm of paternalism and folks who come into the urban context with a superiority mind-set, a quasi “Savior-complex”. My guards were up, and unfortunately I had landed a sharp uppercut to a very well meaning friend and co-laborer. 

But as time went on I realized a valuable lesson. I had sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. 

I had wasted her heart.

Unaware I had treaded upon her heart in the name “of doing good and being a gatekeeper”. 

I had failed to shepherd her heart through patience and encouragement. I had failed to take into account the fears that God was helping her overcome to muster up enough strength to even get involved in urban ministry in the first place. 

Thankfully I have repented for my actions and watched God do a wonderful work in my own heart through failing as a shepherd. It is through my own pastoral experience of missing it, that I want to share with you some insights we can implement as others approach us regarding urban ministry opportunities. 

For pastors our call is one of gentleness as Paul articulated in his letter to the Thessalonians that he “was gentle among them like a nursing mother taking care of her own children”. How often I forget that I will be held accountable for how I love and care for the people God has entrusted to me. 

Before I share some principles for how to interact with urban volunteers specifically I want to shed light on some areas we need to check as warning signs that we are wasting peoples hearts. Then I will write a follow up blog with some practical principles God has taught me. 

Warning #1- We value getting projects done right more than shepherding and rightly leading people. 

In speaking with a good friend today about this very subject we discussed how personality tends to shape this danger. If you default to valuing people over projects this may not be an area of concern for you. I happen to be an off the chart “D” & “I” personality which means that when the rubber meets the road I quickly move into getting the project finished right at the expense of trampling upon and using people. Lord help me overcome that. 

Warning #2- We have stopped learning and figured out what works and what doesn’t. 

Having read a myriad of books on urban ministry, attending countless urban mission conferences, and being discipled by some of the greatest mentors who have done urban ministry for decades, I often times feel like I know what works and what doesn’t. Having tried various things and watch them fail I feel like I have a great grasp on best practices, theology, methodology and ministry philosophy. Having labored and learned from the best in administration I often feel superior in my understanding of how things work. 

Danger zone. 

While all of those things are great and I am an expert in this area I still have a lot to learn about everything! I have had to examine my heart and ask God to give me a teachable spirit so I never fall victim to the trap that someone else may very well be right  and I need to rethink some things. 

Warning #3- We think there is only one kind of urban worker.

How many times I have sat in front of someone sharing my story only to discourage them and set forth a perception that if “you don’t have my cultural experience of the black community you can’t do urban ministry”. Unintentionally I have portrayed that urban work is only for those who know history, have a host of black friends and grew up as a minority like me. 

While I cherish my experiences and thank God for them, most white people who desire to get involved in urban ministry will not be from the hood, they won’t have been locked up for selling dope, they won’t have a myriad of black friends, and they won’t grasp black history because God has granted them a different story. What they do possess often times is a willingness to be shepherded and trained. It is my job to carefully deconstruct with humility and patience and not project upon them that they have to know what I know, and be who I am in order to do ministry effectively. 

My biggest fear is that we are preaching justice and desiring for others to get involved only to expect them to immediately think & process ministry like veterans. Instead of treading on their heart and discouraging them we need to patiently train them and walk alongside of them in a journey of learning together. 

Be careful not to waste the hearts of the very people God has led into ministry with you.