Don't Waste the Heart (Part 2)

In my last blog I explained some mistakes I have made and some warning signs available to gauge if we are wasting the heart of those entrusted to us. In this blog I want to share a practical process we can implement in our conversation as a way to guide our people in pursuing their God given call to minister. 

I need to reiterate this before I begin. These are not simply bullet points, or an ala cart menu where we can pick and choose the ones we tend to highlight. In a society where we gravitate toward isolating principles and choosing our favorite, this is more of a hierarchy if you will, a methodology that flows chronologically. 

If you see them only as various options you will short circuit the flow of how these function as a whole. I believe this process although directly used in this blog to address urban ministry can be used in so many other facets of life creating a healthy communication stream in all of our relationships including marriage, parenting, business, and many other interpersonal relationships. 

1- Listen with humility & patience. If you are like me (and you are) you have a grid or world-view you process through. You also carry certain presuppositions and have developed a unique ability to discern terminology through a ministry philosophy. That is well and good but realize people are not where you are and you must take the time to humble yourself and try to understand their position. They may use words unknowingly that are offensive or hurtful when describing the poor & marginalized. 

Be patient and listen intently to them. James reminds us to "be quick to hear, slow to speak". Don’t assume they will use the right terms or articulate their plans adequately. After all you may be the first person they have confided in with this information. Henry Ford once said, “If there is any one secret of success it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.”

Also realize the courage it takes to approach a professional with an idea or a desire to serve. I have learned that while sometimes people have a hard time expressing what it is that they actually want to do, their heart and motivations are in the right place. Become genuinely interested by arousing their passion, intently listening & affirming them. 

Being in the moment displaying humility and patience before reacting gives the person across from you the confidence to express their heart. 

I like to remind myself something at this point. This is the effect I desire from my preaching! 

When people here a message on poverty, or the churches responsibility to the fatherless we want them to have their heart strings pulled. We want them to display an eagerness to get involved and serve. Yet we mistakenly grieve and exasperate them because they “don’t know what we know”. 

Of course they don’t! It is our job to kindle that passion and shepherd their heart, not waste it because their maturity and experience in the area is limited. 

2- Encourage first- After listening to someone share their burden for urban ministry my immediate natural default is to correct and deconstruct some of their thinking. I believe this is necessary in shaping people to have a right view of ministry. 

But that should not be the next move. The first step after listening is always encouraging. I have learned to point to all the positive things they said during the conversation. Reiterate their burden and thank them for heeding the call of ministry. Thank them for taking the initiation to make contact and explore. Instill more confidence in them that they are indeed following the Lord. 

As with children, we all like to be encouraged. One sure fire killer of passion and enthusiasm is discouragement and instant critique. It puts a person on the defensive and crushes their motivation no matter how heart felt and right we may be. 

3- Reject Pride- It is so easy to listen to someone talk about an idea and shoot it down immediately based off years of ministry experience. I try to remember that while I have heard countless people share countless ideas, I am listening to an individual who is trying to be faithful to God. Even though their idea maybe something I have heard before, I am listening to a person who has no clue I have already heard what they are telling me from other individuals as well. 

I also try to remember that I have gatekeeper syndrome many days. I am worn out sometimes emotionally by the history of paternalism and the negative impacts wrong philosophy has had on poor people. It is at this moment I have to remind myself that the person in front of me is just as important as those in the community. They have a heart, a burden, a story, and it is reckless for me to not to extend grace. 

While remaining sensitive to those I minister to in the neighborhood, I need that same level of humility to minister to those desiring to help. I need to see their worth and value that they are created in the image of God as well and need to express the same level of encouragement and empowerment. 

4- Correct in Love- When I started out in ministry this was always my first step. Why? It's the easiest for us as humans to gravitate towards. 

There are many things you can learn in seminary, theological tools, practical understanding of inner church workings and many other wonderful truths. But learning to correct in love comes from suffering and experience bathed in prayer and the Word. There have been many times I know that I have been spot on in my critique of someone’s flaws in ministry philosophy and understanding in urban philosophy. 

The problem: I have been harsh and unloving in my critique. I treaded on their heart in the process. 

Don’t get me wrong there is definitely a place for correction but when it is administered it must be done graciously and lovingly recognizing one’s own flaws and faults. We must avoid cynicism and sarcasm which are two evils we often find in correction when done wrongly. 

A practical step I have taken in the process is simply asking questions, and doing so thoughtfully and graciously as to not come across as rhetorical and sarcastic. When you ask questions and help others come to see things for themselves they are far more willing to learn and take them to heart. Recall the words of Galileo, "You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him to find it within himself".

Share with them your own mistakes in the process. It isn’t nearly so difficult to listen to a recital of your faults if the person criticizing begins by humbly admitting that he, too, is far from impeccable.

5- Remember God Uses Mistakes- I have written previously on this point so I will not belabor it now. But more often than not when we are motivated by the gospel of grace even when we make mistakes God uses those to shape us and advance His kingdom. 

In conclusion don’t exasperate the people willing to help. Listen to them and shepherd carefully. Many times we have turned away the very people God is calling to engage in ministry. Recall often that while God has called you to a position of influence and shepherding He is concerned about shaping you and conforming you into the image of Christ through how you handle and love the people entrusted to your care. 

Don’t waste the heart! 

Dont Waste the Heart (Part 1)

I had done it again! 

I watched the tears stream down her face as she was trying to process all I shared with her. What did I say or do that caused her to be so hurt? Had I been too harsh with my correction or sharp with my exhortation? 

Of course not, I thought to myself, I was just protecting the very people she was endeavoring to help. I was guarding the core principles of urban ministry and defending the poor. After all it is my responsibility to influence and train the people God has entrusted to me; to protect the dignity of those we minister to; and that means speaking the hard truth that cuts at our pride and superiority. 

I felt justified in my response to her because after all I had seen firsthand the harm of paternalism and folks who come into the urban context with a superiority mind-set, a quasi “Savior-complex”. My guards were up, and unfortunately I had landed a sharp uppercut to a very well meaning friend and co-laborer. 

But as time went on I realized a valuable lesson. I had sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. 

I had wasted her heart.

Unaware I had treaded upon her heart in the name “of doing good and being a gatekeeper”. 

I had failed to shepherd her heart through patience and encouragement. I had failed to take into account the fears that God was helping her overcome to muster up enough strength to even get involved in urban ministry in the first place. 

Thankfully I have repented for my actions and watched God do a wonderful work in my own heart through failing as a shepherd. It is through my own pastoral experience of missing it, that I want to share with you some insights we can implement as others approach us regarding urban ministry opportunities. 

For pastors our call is one of gentleness as Paul articulated in his letter to the Thessalonians that he “was gentle among them like a nursing mother taking care of her own children”. How often I forget that I will be held accountable for how I love and care for the people God has entrusted to me. 

Before I share some principles for how to interact with urban volunteers specifically I want to shed light on some areas we need to check as warning signs that we are wasting peoples hearts. Then I will write a follow up blog with some practical principles God has taught me. 

Warning #1- We value getting projects done right more than shepherding and rightly leading people. 

In speaking with a good friend today about this very subject we discussed how personality tends to shape this danger. If you default to valuing people over projects this may not be an area of concern for you. I happen to be an off the chart “D” & “I” personality which means that when the rubber meets the road I quickly move into getting the project finished right at the expense of trampling upon and using people. Lord help me overcome that. 

Warning #2- We have stopped learning and figured out what works and what doesn’t. 

Having read a myriad of books on urban ministry, attending countless urban mission conferences, and being discipled by some of the greatest mentors who have done urban ministry for decades, I often times feel like I know what works and what doesn’t. Having tried various things and watch them fail I feel like I have a great grasp on best practices, theology, methodology and ministry philosophy. Having labored and learned from the best in administration I often feel superior in my understanding of how things work. 

Danger zone. 

While all of those things are great and I am an expert in this area I still have a lot to learn about everything! I have had to examine my heart and ask God to give me a teachable spirit so I never fall victim to the trap that someone else may very well be right  and I need to rethink some things. 

Warning #3- We think there is only one kind of urban worker.

How many times I have sat in front of someone sharing my story only to discourage them and set forth a perception that if “you don’t have my cultural experience of the black community you can’t do urban ministry”. Unintentionally I have portrayed that urban work is only for those who know history, have a host of black friends and grew up as a minority like me. 

While I cherish my experiences and thank God for them, most white people who desire to get involved in urban ministry will not be from the hood, they won’t have been locked up for selling dope, they won’t have a myriad of black friends, and they won’t grasp black history because God has granted them a different story. What they do possess often times is a willingness to be shepherded and trained. It is my job to carefully deconstruct with humility and patience and not project upon them that they have to know what I know, and be who I am in order to do ministry effectively. 

My biggest fear is that we are preaching justice and desiring for others to get involved only to expect them to immediately think & process ministry like veterans. Instead of treading on their heart and discouraging them we need to patiently train them and walk alongside of them in a journey of learning together. 

Be careful not to waste the hearts of the very people God has led into ministry with you.