Don't Waste the Heart (Part 2)

In my last blog I explained some mistakes I have made and some warning signs available to gauge if we are wasting the heart of those entrusted to us. In this blog I want to share a practical process we can implement in our conversation as a way to guide our people in pursuing their God given call to minister. 

I need to reiterate this before I begin. These are not simply bullet points, or an ala cart menu where we can pick and choose the ones we tend to highlight. In a society where we gravitate toward isolating principles and choosing our favorite, this is more of a hierarchy if you will, a methodology that flows chronologically. 

If you see them only as various options you will short circuit the flow of how these function as a whole. I believe this process although directly used in this blog to address urban ministry can be used in so many other facets of life creating a healthy communication stream in all of our relationships including marriage, parenting, business, and many other interpersonal relationships. 

1- Listen with humility & patience. If you are like me (and you are) you have a grid or world-view you process through. You also carry certain presuppositions and have developed a unique ability to discern terminology through a ministry philosophy. That is well and good but realize people are not where you are and you must take the time to humble yourself and try to understand their position. They may use words unknowingly that are offensive or hurtful when describing the poor & marginalized. 

Be patient and listen intently to them. James reminds us to "be quick to hear, slow to speak". Don’t assume they will use the right terms or articulate their plans adequately. After all you may be the first person they have confided in with this information. Henry Ford once said, “If there is any one secret of success it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.”

Also realize the courage it takes to approach a professional with an idea or a desire to serve. I have learned that while sometimes people have a hard time expressing what it is that they actually want to do, their heart and motivations are in the right place. Become genuinely interested by arousing their passion, intently listening & affirming them. 

Being in the moment displaying humility and patience before reacting gives the person across from you the confidence to express their heart. 

I like to remind myself something at this point. This is the effect I desire from my preaching! 

When people here a message on poverty, or the churches responsibility to the fatherless we want them to have their heart strings pulled. We want them to display an eagerness to get involved and serve. Yet we mistakenly grieve and exasperate them because they “don’t know what we know”. 

Of course they don’t! It is our job to kindle that passion and shepherd their heart, not waste it because their maturity and experience in the area is limited. 

2- Encourage first- After listening to someone share their burden for urban ministry my immediate natural default is to correct and deconstruct some of their thinking. I believe this is necessary in shaping people to have a right view of ministry. 

But that should not be the next move. The first step after listening is always encouraging. I have learned to point to all the positive things they said during the conversation. Reiterate their burden and thank them for heeding the call of ministry. Thank them for taking the initiation to make contact and explore. Instill more confidence in them that they are indeed following the Lord. 

As with children, we all like to be encouraged. One sure fire killer of passion and enthusiasm is discouragement and instant critique. It puts a person on the defensive and crushes their motivation no matter how heart felt and right we may be. 

3- Reject Pride- It is so easy to listen to someone talk about an idea and shoot it down immediately based off years of ministry experience. I try to remember that while I have heard countless people share countless ideas, I am listening to an individual who is trying to be faithful to God. Even though their idea maybe something I have heard before, I am listening to a person who has no clue I have already heard what they are telling me from other individuals as well. 

I also try to remember that I have gatekeeper syndrome many days. I am worn out sometimes emotionally by the history of paternalism and the negative impacts wrong philosophy has had on poor people. It is at this moment I have to remind myself that the person in front of me is just as important as those in the community. They have a heart, a burden, a story, and it is reckless for me to not to extend grace. 

While remaining sensitive to those I minister to in the neighborhood, I need that same level of humility to minister to those desiring to help. I need to see their worth and value that they are created in the image of God as well and need to express the same level of encouragement and empowerment. 

4- Correct in Love- When I started out in ministry this was always my first step. Why? It's the easiest for us as humans to gravitate towards. 

There are many things you can learn in seminary, theological tools, practical understanding of inner church workings and many other wonderful truths. But learning to correct in love comes from suffering and experience bathed in prayer and the Word. There have been many times I know that I have been spot on in my critique of someone’s flaws in ministry philosophy and understanding in urban philosophy. 

The problem: I have been harsh and unloving in my critique. I treaded on their heart in the process. 

Don’t get me wrong there is definitely a place for correction but when it is administered it must be done graciously and lovingly recognizing one’s own flaws and faults. We must avoid cynicism and sarcasm which are two evils we often find in correction when done wrongly. 

A practical step I have taken in the process is simply asking questions, and doing so thoughtfully and graciously as to not come across as rhetorical and sarcastic. When you ask questions and help others come to see things for themselves they are far more willing to learn and take them to heart. Recall the words of Galileo, "You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him to find it within himself".

Share with them your own mistakes in the process. It isn’t nearly so difficult to listen to a recital of your faults if the person criticizing begins by humbly admitting that he, too, is far from impeccable.

5- Remember God Uses Mistakes- I have written previously on this point so I will not belabor it now. But more often than not when we are motivated by the gospel of grace even when we make mistakes God uses those to shape us and advance His kingdom. 

In conclusion don’t exasperate the people willing to help. Listen to them and shepherd carefully. Many times we have turned away the very people God is calling to engage in ministry. Recall often that while God has called you to a position of influence and shepherding He is concerned about shaping you and conforming you into the image of Christ through how you handle and love the people entrusted to your care. 

Don’t waste the heart! 

Dont Waste the Heart (Part 1)

I had done it again! 

I watched the tears stream down her face as she was trying to process all I shared with her. What did I say or do that caused her to be so hurt? Had I been too harsh with my correction or sharp with my exhortation? 

Of course not, I thought to myself, I was just protecting the very people she was endeavoring to help. I was guarding the core principles of urban ministry and defending the poor. After all it is my responsibility to influence and train the people God has entrusted to me; to protect the dignity of those we minister to; and that means speaking the hard truth that cuts at our pride and superiority. 

I felt justified in my response to her because after all I had seen firsthand the harm of paternalism and folks who come into the urban context with a superiority mind-set, a quasi “Savior-complex”. My guards were up, and unfortunately I had landed a sharp uppercut to a very well meaning friend and co-laborer. 

But as time went on I realized a valuable lesson. I had sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. 

I had wasted her heart.

Unaware I had treaded upon her heart in the name “of doing good and being a gatekeeper”. 

I had failed to shepherd her heart through patience and encouragement. I had failed to take into account the fears that God was helping her overcome to muster up enough strength to even get involved in urban ministry in the first place. 

Thankfully I have repented for my actions and watched God do a wonderful work in my own heart through failing as a shepherd. It is through my own pastoral experience of missing it, that I want to share with you some insights we can implement as others approach us regarding urban ministry opportunities. 

For pastors our call is one of gentleness as Paul articulated in his letter to the Thessalonians that he “was gentle among them like a nursing mother taking care of her own children”. How often I forget that I will be held accountable for how I love and care for the people God has entrusted to me. 

Before I share some principles for how to interact with urban volunteers specifically I want to shed light on some areas we need to check as warning signs that we are wasting peoples hearts. Then I will write a follow up blog with some practical principles God has taught me. 

Warning #1- We value getting projects done right more than shepherding and rightly leading people. 

In speaking with a good friend today about this very subject we discussed how personality tends to shape this danger. If you default to valuing people over projects this may not be an area of concern for you. I happen to be an off the chart “D” & “I” personality which means that when the rubber meets the road I quickly move into getting the project finished right at the expense of trampling upon and using people. Lord help me overcome that. 

Warning #2- We have stopped learning and figured out what works and what doesn’t. 

Having read a myriad of books on urban ministry, attending countless urban mission conferences, and being discipled by some of the greatest mentors who have done urban ministry for decades, I often times feel like I know what works and what doesn’t. Having tried various things and watch them fail I feel like I have a great grasp on best practices, theology, methodology and ministry philosophy. Having labored and learned from the best in administration I often feel superior in my understanding of how things work. 

Danger zone. 

While all of those things are great and I am an expert in this area I still have a lot to learn about everything! I have had to examine my heart and ask God to give me a teachable spirit so I never fall victim to the trap that someone else may very well be right  and I need to rethink some things. 

Warning #3- We think there is only one kind of urban worker.

How many times I have sat in front of someone sharing my story only to discourage them and set forth a perception that if “you don’t have my cultural experience of the black community you can’t do urban ministry”. Unintentionally I have portrayed that urban work is only for those who know history, have a host of black friends and grew up as a minority like me. 

While I cherish my experiences and thank God for them, most white people who desire to get involved in urban ministry will not be from the hood, they won’t have been locked up for selling dope, they won’t have a myriad of black friends, and they won’t grasp black history because God has granted them a different story. What they do possess often times is a willingness to be shepherded and trained. It is my job to carefully deconstruct with humility and patience and not project upon them that they have to know what I know, and be who I am in order to do ministry effectively. 

My biggest fear is that we are preaching justice and desiring for others to get involved only to expect them to immediately think & process ministry like veterans. Instead of treading on their heart and discouraging them we need to patiently train them and walk alongside of them in a journey of learning together. 

Be careful not to waste the hearts of the very people God has led into ministry with you. 

Learning From My Daughter

I think by now most people are aware of the "Elf on the Shelf". It is a doll that mysteriously comes out after Thanksgiving to "watch the children" and report back to Santa. Each night we move the doll around and place him in different spots. Some may think a Christian has no business engaging in this practice with their children as it promotes parallel syncretism.

Whatever. That's another discussion for another day.

What I have learned from this experience is a valuable principle. Each and every day my daughter wakes up the first thing she ponders on when her eyes open it is "where is the elf"?

She enthusiastically goes about the house looking for the elf and when she finds him she smiles and laughs at his mere presence. The eagerness by which she goes about finding him tickles me and teaches me something of infinite value.

When I wake up do I possess the same eagerness to go and find God through prayer & the Word? Is it an awe consuming desire to meet with Him as soon as my eyes awaken to the new day?

Can I confess that more often than not I wake up, go turn on the coffee, ponder the emails, details and objectives of the day before I thank God and search for Him? This is not to say that any of those things are wrong but I default to busyness before communion with my Lord and Savior.

The difference is clear, while the elf moves about, God never moves. He is right there waiting to draw near to those who draw near to Him. God does not hide Himself from His children, He is right there accessible through His means of grace.

This whole experience has taught my to critically think through how I can shape my daughter to search for God in the same way she seeks out that elf every morning. As I shepherd and guide her heart I need to careful that I am obedient and searching out God for myself, depending on His Spirit, and living with a heart of gratitude and thanksgiving.

Like my daughter when she finds the elf, I also laugh and get filled with joy when I meet with my Savior who loved me while I was unlovable and desiring of death and punishment. I find peace when I seek the God of the Word who redeemed me from my sins and gave me a new life with a new motivation.

As my daughter realizes as she matures that the elf doesn't really watch over and report to Santa about her behavior, I hope to train her that there is One far more important watching over her, desiring an intimate relationship with her. One who truly does see the heart of man and extends loving grace to His children not simply for their benefit of getting stuff, but for His own glory to be on display in their lives.

I messed up...so what

Over a year ago an event happened that changed the course of the summer for the Williams family. While our daughter was attending school a teacher accidentally closed the door on my daughter’s hand and broke her finger. 

What made it so bad was this was the teacher’s first day on the job! 

We were almost as sad for the teacher as we were for our daughter because we could see the pain and anguish she felt from making a mistake. Thankfully our daughter has healed completely and I am sure the teacher learned a valuable lesson as well. 

This is a powerful illustration of a principle I have come to know and experience. That mistakes and blunders are life’s greatest learning tools. 

The teacher will probably make various mistakes in life but one thing she will not do is close the door without making sure that no children are in the path. Mistakes and blunders have a way of teaching us things that successes rarely do. 

Working in urban ministry and church ministry has its share of challenges and risks, especially working with the poor. Just having returned from CCDA, an urban ministry conference emphasizing mercy and justice, I was struck by the amount of great men and women of God I met with who made gross mistakes in ministry. 

From patronizing to wrong philosophy to moral failure there was a litany of brokenness and mistakes. But it seemed to me as  I engaged with them in dialogue they were some of the most humble, most learned folks. They were the risk takers who made things happen. They created programs, they planted churches, they raised up indigenous leaders, yet they all made mistakes. 

With so many books being written on the right way to do ministry, and the vast amount of material available on urban philosophy and methodology, one would think it is a ministry for perfection and perfect people. Folks are simply scared to say a mumbling word or get involved for fear they will do it wrong. 

I happen to know people who quickly offer critique of how many things the ministry I am involved is messing up. While I certainly want to always be humble and teachable, can I confess I don’t really care if I mess up? 

I mean who doesn’t make mistakes and mess things up? Doesn’t our God use broken, imperfect people to carry out His plan so that no human may boast in His presence or receive glory from the work He is doing? 

Now I am not talking about throwing caution to the wind and not taking into consideration the wisdom of others. I am not talking about being a bull in a china shop and doing whatever you please at the expense of others. But what I am saying is that we will all make mistakes and I don’t think that is the end of the world. 

In order to make an impact you must take certain risks and be willing to repent when things go awry. In fact it is when I have made the biggest errors that I learned the most. It is when I have screwed up royally that the greatest opportunities for repentance present themselves and the deepest relationships have developed. 

We will all blunder and close the door at the wrong time. People will get hurt. We will alienate others along the way. You cannot appease everyone. 

But what is the alternative? To do nothing. 

I refuse to stand at the judgment seat of Christ when I am to give account of Matthew 25 and tell Him I was scared to mess up so I never got involved. I will take risks. I will motivate others to jump in without a life vest. And God will always be faithful to work His preordained plan and cause all things to work together for good. 

In conclusion it is important to listen to others. It is valuable to heed the warnings and learn to do good. But you won’t gain life’s greatest lessons by doing everything perfect. You will fail and when you do be willing to repent and humble yourself. Be willing to forgive and reconcile with those accusers. 

The alternative is avoiding mistakes by doing nothing at all. One who makes no mistakes never makes anything happen. Some of  God’s greatest works have come through imperfect people making grievous errors. He is sovereign and controls the final outcome. Trust in Him and don’t be afraid to fail. Failures are God’s tool to create deeper dependency and trust in Him. They are God’s reminder that we are all imperfect people serving a perfect God. 

Anthony & Jarei

Blog from Anthony about his role as a mentor in the Aspire Movement. Anthony is married, a father of two boys, and he owns and operates his own business. 

"After doing various service projects I heard that there was a mentoring program that partners adult Christians with 4th graders from the Fairfield community to assist in raising a historical low graduation rate and walking alongside them in an intentional way. I love working with children and figured this would be great for me...until I found out that this would be a nine year commitment!  I have boys of my own ranging from ages 27 down to 15 years old, and I have been looking forward to the empty nest in three years.  

But I prayed and God answered, so I went about seeking out someone whom had more knowledge and information about the program which led me to Pastor Jason and the rest is history as they say.

Jarei was a 4th grader at C. J. Donald Elementary School when I met him.  I started off just meeting with him during his lunch period in school where I would join him and just converse to break the ice and get to know a little about him.
  

He’s a blast! 

It’s so amazing how he lights up at my arrivals for visits, that alone blesses me. I met his mother a few weeks after meeting Jarei.  She is very happy to have a mentor for Jarei because his biological father is not in the picture.


Our first meeting outside the school environment was a Young Business Leaders dinner.  Since then we’ve been to the Indy races, the mall, and the Stacy Williams Company venders’ showcase, and soon we’ll start biking, swimming and doing some work together where will learn a great deal from each other.  I haven’t had to help with any homework thank God, Jarei is an “A” student, and I don’t want to ruin that.  

It is a blessing that God has allowed me to see, the difference I can make in one life. I am realizing it is not the spectacular and grandiose moments together but rather the consistent, faithful showing up that makes a difference. 

Anybody can mentor! It takes a little bit of time but once you get over the initial shock of committing to 9 years and actually meet the child, you desire to be with them for the long haul and watch them develop into the leaders of tomorrow". 

Big Wheels, Bodily Training & Being Holy

Rather train yourself for godliness; for while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come.--(1 Timothy 4:7-8 ESV)

Anybody remember the Big Wheel? 

I didn’t grow up in a time period of 12 volt motorized cars. We didn’t have fancy bikes that shifted gears and certainly we were never required to wear a helmet! I don’t even remember ever being placed in a car seat. In fact my mom said I used to ride in the back of our old station wagon facing the opposite direction!

How’s that for child safety? 

What I did have growing up was a big wheel. And not just one big wheel but multiple big wheels. It seemed as though I probably owned at least 20 big wheels during my childhood. 

From the outset God designed me with the ability to give 100% to my passions. If there is one thing God has placed inside of me it is the desire to go all in on whatever He puts in my heart. Those of you who know me well have certainly experienced this being around me. 

You see I can’t just do something half way it has to be full throttle with the pedal to the floor. While this has certainly been an asset to my relationship with Christ, others, and his calling on my life in ministry, it can also be a huge weakness for me. 

Recently I have taken on training for a triathlon and the desire to become physically fit. Of course like everything else I do, it must be done to the max. Smoothie shakes twice a day, trips to GNC, biking & running, ab workouts and changing my entire diet. 

While this is fantastic and many people have commended me on how diligent I have strived to lose weight, I also see the dangers of idolatry creeping in subtly. It is very easy to take good things that God has provided for us and make them the centerpiece of our lives and where we put our hopes and satisfaction. 

I was reminded today in my devotional time that while training the physical body is important, there is a far more important discipline that is needed and that is the pursuit of holiness. It is so easy for me to get out of balance in life as the pendulum swings and I take on various passions in life. Maybe you too have experienced the subtleties of good things becoming the main thing. 

When various amoral or good things become our focus we tend to elevate them to a position of prominence and unknowingly judge others based on our own passions. All the sudden I see people who don’t work out and care for their bodies and pass judgment on them. It is so easy to become an accidental pharisee. 

In conclusion I am reminded to thank God and give praise to Him. The only reason I go all in is because he has wired me like this. The only reason I began caring about my physical body is because He placed a desire in me. The only reason I am able to see potential dangers that come from His gifts is because He has gracious given me His Holy Spirit. 

Working out is fine. Being the best at your job is fine. Having a passion and going full throttle is a good thing! But be careful and keep watch over where your satisfaction and joy comes from. It must be rooted and grounded in the person of Jesus Christ and fixed on the hope of His glorious resurrection. 

Jesus is only satisfaction in this life that won’t break or falter due to circumstances. My body may and will eventually break down. I could become physically unable to work out at any given time and if my hopes are in how good my body looks I am in trouble. Your capacity to work or job may be wiped away in a second. Even your family, status, and bank account can disappear in the blink of an eye and if you have been finding your satisfaction in those things you are in for a severe let down. 

Fix your eyes on Jesus the Author and Perfecter of our faith. He is the one and only place to put all your hopes, dreams and passion in because His promises are secure and in Him is love, joy and peace in the midst of anything we will go through. 

While training my physical body is teaching me serious discipline in my life, my spiritual workouts are what will ultimately sustain me and give me an everlasting joy as I seek to be conformed into the image of God's Son. 

Lizzy & Emily

My husband and I live in Fairfield, the city where ASPIRE is focusing its attention. We moved here in order to bring Christ to an urban community. My husband lived here for a couple years before we got married and was already leading a Bible study with some high school guys, but I was looking for a way I could reach out to some girls. Then I heard about ASPIRE. The model fit in perfectly with my work schedule, so I signed up right away. 

I have only been involved with ASPIRE for a few months, but I’ve had the privilege of getting to know Lizzy. She’s just finished the fourth grade and is very smart and loves gymnastics. She and some friends have a band, though none of them knows how to play an instrument. And she is a middle child, like I am. It has been great remembering what it’s like to be a kid, and learning how to get on her level. 

Most of my involvement in Lizzy’s life so far has consisted of meeting her for lunch at school about every other week. During Spring Break, I invited Lizzy and her best friend, Kennedy, and Kennedy’s mentor, to come over to my house to bake cookies. Afterwards, we sat on the front porch talking and shared some cookies with the neighbors as they came home from work. 

As a result of meeting Lizzy for lunch regularly, I’ve also come to be recognized by other students who live in the area. On multiple occasions when my husband and I have been out for a walk, a classmate of Lizzy’s has recognized me. Now when they see me in the lunchroom, they too will come talk to me. 

I look forward to seeing her perform some gymnastics this summer and getting to know her even better when school starts up again.